I Might Be A Clone

I think we're all searching for someone to find us.  I don't necessarily mean a life partner.  Just someone.  Someone who sees past all the facades we put up, all the masks we pretend are actually what we look like.  Because, really, it’s nice to be known.

I heard a quote that said, "Please don't understand me too quickly." I liked it so much I wrote it down in my journal.  I liked the idea of remaining somewhat of a mystery to people.  And in all honesty, I am pretty good at preventing premature understanding.  I'm good at hiding.  I have fantastic masks- for all occasions.  These masks, while sometimes exhausting to wear, have given me a sense of security for a lot of years.  I’ve gotten pretty comfortable having them.

But so much for being a hide-and-seek legend.  It took about 30 seconds for a absolute stranger to completely size me up and see me for exactly who I am.  That, right there, is terrifying.  Also, a little bit rude.  I’ve worked really hard on those masks, and by now, they should be fool proof.
  
Now, the way I saw it, I had 3 options for this soul hacker.  1- Get a blood test done to see if I was actually one person living in two bodies.  And if so, call the Vatican.  Stat.  2- Run.  Just plain run.  3- See what would come of someone actually seeing through me.

Well, I’m not a runner, and I hate being poked with needles.  So I really had no option at all.  And I can honestly say I’ve never felt so relieved and panicked at the same time.  I mean, share the Xanax, kid.  It’s peculiar. I’m stumbling around a bit, trying to figure out being figured out.

But I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Even though I say that I hate it… I’m lying.  And I’m not so exhausted anymore.

Photoshopped Life

Have you ever woken up and realized you're not the person you thought you'd be?  When I was younger, I had this image of my life in my head.  What I'd be doing, where I'd be, who I'd be with... And I'm not living in that picture.

In some ways, it's disappointing.  I've made mistakes I'm ashamed of.  I've hurt people who didn't deserve it.  I've let great opportunities slip through my fingers.  There are a lot of things I wish I'd done differently.  And I'll never be able to.
 
But my sometimes epic failures have taught me at least one important lesson.  There are people in my life who see past who I've been; they see who I can be.  And even though I'm nowhere near perfect, they love me just the same.  
 
That's more than I could ever ask for.